“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” – Albert Camus
The older I get, the more nihilistic I become. When I was younger I was so motivated to be the best I could be, whether at school or in the community. I was the epitome of “bright eyed and bushy tailed”. Now at 32, I find myself asking, “What’s the point?” As morbid as it sounds, we all die anyways. The universe doesn’t care about me; I’m no better than anyone else. At times I feel so insignificant in our vast universe, and while this can be depressing, I have actually found it to also be freeing. I joke with my students that I have an existential crisis every day as I ponder such thoughts constantly. Being stuck in a routine, as Albert Camus described with the myth of Sisyphus, can be tiring. I get up in the morning, go to work, come home, repeat, repeat, repeat. But like Camus said, we need to imagine Sisyphus happy. I need to find purpose in this seemingly mindless routine. So, what is life’s meaning? As an atheistic existentialist, I feel that my meaning cannot be dictated to me. I need to find my own meaning. While religion provides some people with a sense of comfort and hope, I feel that meaning can be found elsewhere. For me, relationships provide meaning. I have an incredible husband who I love more than anything in the world, and a supportive and caring family. Love and companionship, which can come in many forms, are important to me. It provides me with direction, motivation, and compassion. Art also gives meaning to my life. Whether it’s listening to music, performing in a play, or even keeping up with this blog, I need a creative outlet. Creativity allows for self understanding and expression. I also find meaning in science, as it provides me with answers to some of life’s big questions. And of course there’s philosophy, which forces me to question, wonder, and analyze. To quote Socrates, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”
Happiness is another important factor when considering the meaning of life. Greek philosopher Epicurus believed that we are only truly happy when we have companionship, freedom, and are living an analytical life. Money and material things can only make me happy for so long; it’s the other things that allow happiness to flourish. I don’t think it’s entirely bad to be hedonistic, but I don’t think it’s entirely good either. Eventually the party ends, and as my husband’s grandmother says, there aren’t any pockets in the coffin.
In the end, there is only one certainty in life – death. We are lucky to be alive. We only have one shot, so it’s important that we make the most of it. With reflection (and a dash of nihilism), we can learn to appreciate life more and discover how we can make it meaningful for ourselves. In terms of purpose, I’m still not exactly sure what mine is. Is it to teach? I’m not quite sure. Is it even necessary for me to find or have a purpose? To be honest, I can’t really answer that. What I do know is that meaning and purpose are subjective. It’s different for everyone. And while I am on this earth for a finite amount of time, it’s important for me to see the beauty that the world has to offer and to try to enjoy every moment, no matter how angry and bitter I sometimes feel. It may not be easy, but no one ever said life is.
