“In the social jungle of human existence, there is no feeling of being alive without a sense of identity.” – Erik Erikson
As I sit and type this, I feel angry, upset, anxious, and incredibly disappointed. I just received the news that I will not be teaching Philosophy next year due to union staffing regulations. While some may see my reaction as overdramatic, I certainly do not. I started the Philosophy course five years ago, and have been the only teacher at our school to teach it. It started as something I was interested in, but now it has become a huge part of my life, and most of all, my identity. I never claimed to be the best Philosophy teacher ever, nor the most knowledgeable. I didn’t major in Philosophy in university, but Drama in Education and Community and History. I was 17 years old when I chose what path I wanted to take in life, and though I do not regret the incredible education I received in my undergraduate, the 32 year old me probably wouldn’t have made all the same choices. If I were to go back to school, I would definitely pursue a degree in Philosophy. But that isn’t feasible in my life right now. So I read, and I educate myself. Being a Philosophy teacher has taught me more about myself than almost any other milestone I have gone through.
So what’s the point of me spilling out all this information? It all goes back to identity. As individuals, we change over time. Our interests, passions, and hobbies can be vastly reshaped during different periods in our lives. The 17 year old me is both similar and different to the 32 year old me. I still consider myself to be an altruistic person, and still love acting, rock music, and cats, but now I have a greater interest in fashion, travelling, powerlifting, and yes, philosophy. My identity has evolved. I think more now than I used to about life, death, and beauty. Maybe it’s the byproduct of aging, or the new goals that I continue to set for myself, but whatever the reason, it’s who I am today. By not teaching Philosophy, I feel like part of me is being stripped away. I find meaning in my life by discussing metaphysical and ethical views with my students. The lessons I developed for the course are, at least I think, the most engaging and creative ones I’ve ever made.
I now have to ask myself, what’s next? Seeing another person teach a course that I started and sustained absolutely breaks my heart. But I can’t let this affect my self identity. We are who we want to be. We can’t let others dictate how we identify. Whether I teach philosophy or not, I still must find it to be part of who I am. I will still be The Petite Philosopher, regardless of my teaching schedule, and I must keep reminding myself of that. I have the power to shape my own identity, and I can’t let politics and bureaucratic stipulations get in the way. One’s own self identity is possibly the only reality indubitably known and I certainly know that philosophy is, and will forever be, a part of mine.
