“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be very careful what we pretend to be.” – Kurt Vonnegut
The more I engage in social media, the more I become hypercritical of myself. Getting caught in a cycle of negative feelings related to comparing myself to others or how many likes or follows I get can be mentally exhausting. This led to a conversation I had with my husband, in which he made a very valid point about fantasy. When I take a look at the bloggers with the most followers, they’re travelling the world (what feels like nonstop), and are wearing designer clothes and accessories that are beyond what I can afford. Initially I thought my blog would attract readers because I’m a “real” person, but with a lack of followers I concluded that maybe I was wrong. What I think people want is this fantasy my husband spoke of. We rather look at things we can’t and might never have, rather than what is attainable. Why is that? Why can’t we be satisfied with what we have? Whether it’s looking at these bloggers, or reading a Hollywood gossip magazine, we fantasize as a form of escapism. We love to imagine ourselves living a life of luxury and can sometimes feel a sense of satisfaction living through someone’s carefully curated Instagram feed. Constantly being drawn to fantasies, however, can be detrimental. We begin to compare ourselves to others, and develop feelings of inadequacy. What I find particularly interesting is that when celebrities are dealing with personal issues, we derive pleasure from it. Their flaws make them seem more real and we feel superior when they fail. I think this makes the fantasy feel like it could be possible for us.
The human mind is an interesting thing. We can analyze and predict behaviour, but we can only truly know what’s going on inside our own heads. One person’s fantasy could be another’s nightmare. Like most things, fantasy is subjective. Though it can be fun to imagine, where does that truly get us? Sure, fantasies can motivate some people to achieve their goals, but at the same time I think it’s important to be realistic. I’m not saying that one should give up all hope or not bother, but consider that what we see are in fact fantasies. They aren’t entirely real and that’s the problem. The blogger who is constantly jet-setting the globe in Chanel, Louis Vuitton, and Prada? She’s mostly likely just as messed up as the rest of us, so why put her on a pedestal? I guess what I’m try to articulate is that we need to live out our own fantasies, not someone else’s. Though it can be fun and entertaining following the latest celebrity gossip or the blogger who seems to have an unlimited income, we need to enjoy what we do have instead of using up too much of our energy fantasizing about what we wish we could have.
