On Birth.

“It is amazing how a new child can refocus one’s direction seconds after its birth.” – David Bowie

Throughout my pregnancy, I enjoyed reading birth stories online as a way to prepare for labour. What easily became clear from reading so many stories, is that everyone’s was different. I knew mine was going to be too, and that is why I was so nervous for what would ultimately be unpredictable. All I knew was that in the end, I would have a baby!

On the night of September 7th, while we were watching the movie Parenthood, I started leaking some kind of fluid which I first thought was urine. The next day I even posted a thread on Reddit asking if anyone has had a similar experience, called my sister, and spoke with a friend as well. Based on what I read and what I was told, my husband and I decided to take a walk to hopefully stimulate labor. After the walk, we then decided we should go to the hospital just in case. We arrived at triage at approximately 4:00 p.m. and it was confirmed that I was leaking amniotic fluid. The doctor did a cervical check and fully broke my water. At this time I had zero contractions, but was told we’re having the baby! I was admitted into a room, hooked up with an IV and was given oxytocin to get the labor kick started. I went from 3 cm to 4 cm dilated within an hour or so, and to my surprise, the contractions still weren’t that horrible. Quite a few hours later I was able to get an epidural. I got one earlier than expected which was great because by that time, the contractions were really starting to hurt. Getting the epidural was scary, but it wasn’t painful. I was really shaky and nervous throughout this process. Having scoliosis, I was worried about the epidural not working, but I’m pleased to say that the epidural did in fact work. For the next few hours my husband and I did a crossword, watched an episode of Seinfeld, and tried to sleep. I was very restless, however, especially when the contractions came because though they weren’t painful, I stil felt an immense amount of pressure.

The next day I pretty much spent the whole time having nurses check me to see how far I was dilating. I did eventually make it to 10 cm, but it was a very long process. The contractions were very, very painful in terms of pressure, even though I had an epidural. The pressure really did come from the butt and felt like I need to take the biggest crap in the world. After waiting and waiting and being so uncomfortable, I was told that the baby was turned to the wrong way and they needed to make sure she was turned the correct way in order  to avoid a c-section, and by this time, I had already been pushing for almost an hour. The nurses had to get me on all fours in order for this flip to happen. This was one of the worst moments of labour because it was so painful. Luckily, it worked. I ended up pushing for two hours in total and the nurses were very impressed with how strong my pushes were, but the baby still needed help coming out. When the doctor came in, I was told that forceps would be needed. I remember the feeling of the doctor inserting the forceps and he had to perform an episiotomy in order for it to work. Honestly, I felt everything even though I had the epidural. The next thing I remember were the nurses yelling “look up” and my baby was right there in front of me. I didn’t cry, but was in absolute shock, shaking uncontrollably. Our girl weighed 8 lb 13 oz and all the medical staff were shocked how big she was compared to my size. After getting cleaned up, she was placed on me for skin to skin and I was still in absolute shock and awe.

The whole process took approximately 24 hours and though it may not sound it, it felt pretty traumatic. It was very long stressful, and painful, but of course worth it. My husband was absolutely amazing. He consoled me, supported me, and helped me every step of the way. He was holding me while I was pushing whispering in my ear how strong I was and how I could do it.

I’m not going to lie; postpartum has been very difficult. I was very sore because of the episiotomy, and am still healing. What really surprised me the most was the amount of swelling that I had. My feet blew up to gigantic proportions. I could barely walk because of how swollen my legs and feet were. To be completely honest, looking in the mirror, I have cried several times. The day I got home I looked 10 times bigger than I was while pregnant and didn’t really recognize who I saw. Since then, it has been very hard to be kind to myself.

Our baby girl has been amazing and we’re still getting used to a routine. She is a healthy, robust baby and I’m still in shock that I am a mom! Welcome to the world, Velouria Prudence Mousseau!