“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” – Lao Tzu
Thursday January 9. This is the day that would change our lives forever. As soon as I got up in the morning I mustered up the courage to take the test. For a week or so prior, I had a feeling I was pregnant, but didn’t want to admit it to myself. My period was late and my boobs were sore. I was just too scared to face reality. I recall telling my good friend the day before (while we were out in subzero weather striking) and she said, “Vanessa, you need to just take the test.” When I saw the line show up on the test that next morning I cried. I ran into the bedroom and told Brandon right away. He hugged me and told me everything was going to be ok. Going to work that day was rough. A million questions and fears ran through my mind: Am I ready? Will my identity change? Would I be a good mom? Is our house big enough?Will I still be able to enjoy the things I do? These thoughts did not end that day, but continued for pretty much the entire first trimester.
Fortunately, I pretty much had no major symptoms throughout the first trimester and had absolutely no morning sickness. There was more for me to cope with mentally and emotionally, rather than physically. I was in shock, and as I said previously, I was scared. Brandon was, and continues to be, an incredible husband who supported me every step of the way. He understood my anxieties and listened. Time was what was needed in order for me to fully realize that yes, I was going to have a baby.
As soon as I knew I was pregnant, I contacted my family doctor and had all the necessary blood tests. I then had my first ultrasound at 8 weeks. It was at this appointment that the due date of September 6 was given, and I also got to hear the heartbeat for the first time. I still remember seeing that image of a little jellybean and thinking how crazy that life was now growing inside of me. It was right before this ultrasound that we told our family the news. First was my sister, followed by visits to my parents’ house and my mother-in-law’s. Our family was ecstatic and in shock, as not everyone expected me and Brandon to start a family since we have already been together for so long. Honestly, at that point, I was still in a bit of shock myself! I also told a couple of close friends, just so I could have some more emotional support in the early stages of pregnancy.
My next set of blood tests and ultrasound were scheduled for 12 weeks, which would be near the end of the first trimester. The baby wasn’t very cooperative that day and I had to run around, do jumping jacks, and move side to side in order for the technician to get the information required. After she was able to do so, Brandon and I finally got a glimpse of what actually now started looking more like a human than a bean. It was also around this time that I started to feel my body change. Clothes were getting tighter, and while there was no clear baby bump, I felt as if I was getting a bit of a beer gut! My energy levels were still high, and I was able to do the workout routine I had been doing months prior, which included rowing, dumbbell lifting, ab exercises, and jumprope. I stopped powerlifting in late fall, so I felt no need to start back up with it at this time.
More than anything, during the first trimester, I just wanted to tell everyone I was pregnant. I absolutely hate keeping secrets! Brandon and I just wanted to play it safe before we started telling everyone. In addition to that, I found these first few months to go by the quickest. After all, I didn’t even officially know I was expecting until one month in. Also, during this time we planned a ‘babymoon’ in Miami for March Break to officially celebrate (but more about that in an upcoming post on living through a pandemic in my second trimester) and I purchased a new car to prepare for the baby.
As I said, the first trimester was more difficult for me emotionally, than physically. There were days where lots of tears were shed and fear was all that was on my mind. But there were also days of wonder and curiosity, of self growth and understanding. When I told my colleagues at school I was pregnant, I never expected such joyous reactions. Announcing on social media also had the same effect, where I was taken aback by the genuine well wishes that were sent our way. It was as if I needed the positive reassurance of others that this was in fact, going to be the best adventure Brandon and I could ever embark on.
We’re in this together 🙂
